my room reflects the state of my heart. a landfill-of-a-mess that i’m avoiding to address. avoiding to clean. it’s been like this for weeks probably now months….
you wonder how someone could be so lazy to just keep letting things stay this messy, whether in the matters of the room or heart.
like i dont want to do it…therefore i have somehow trick myself into thinking that it’s not there and now i’m just cruising on ignorance, disregard for faithful stewardship.
i feel like a failure.
addressing my room/heart would mean coming to face even more of that…
i fear failing even more…
God,
i dont want to clean anything. my disgusting catatrosphic messy heart is spilling so blatantly even into the physical state of my surroundings (i.e. this room)…
why so restless within me? find your hope in God grace…
i dont know what the heck i’m doing. all i see is what i’m not doing right…wasting away. squandering everything
i feel frustrated.
probable coping mechanism: drowning myself with/in noise, busyness, distractions…? thus leading to more self-pity and self-inflicted desparity. pathetic
i feel like the israelites who asked for freedom from bondage and yet when they get it…they were so…lost. but if there’s still hope for them…then maybe there is hope for i?
