sometimes…we just feel like we should be doing okay. people ask “how are you?” and we say “i’m okay”. and somewhere along the way….we tell even ourselves…this is how i’m doing.
okay.
i realize
how
unreal and fake
okay
is…
what the heck does okay mean anyways? why do we have such a hard time being able to say that we’re not? where does all this pressure of being okay come from?
doing okay sucks.
it doesn’t mean anything.
i don’t know how i’m doing and instead of being honest to you and me…i choose to say… i’m okay.
how un-gospel centered. how selfish. how dumb. how futile…
i feel so upset by this realization because i feel like i’ve been the inflicter/victim of my own “okays”
i dont want to be okay.
i want more.
i want to think about how i’m doing and be honest and real about it. i don’t want my soul to die and drown in this sea of okays. just cruising mindlessly, purposelessly….
more.
Lord…more please.
He answers. gives it freely…
yet why do i choose this?
wake me up from this life of monotony and depravity…
Amen.
